(Source: shittynewyorkercartooncaptions)
Every time the dude in the apartment below me comes home he says to his girlfriend: “schmoopy! Your schmoopy pants is home.” That or some iteration of it involving the word schmoopy. This used to annoy me a lot. Now I kind of find it endearing. I mean, I don’t know them. They could be awful people who put cigarettes out on babies. But who am I to get annoyed by the way couples talk to each other, especially when they don’t think anyone else is listening? Emily and I say stupid nothings in dumb voices to each other all the time.
Walt Whitman’s haversack to go on display at Library of Congress.
Most hipster bag ever?
More like grossest bag ever. How many times do you think Walt tried to fuck this thing?
When I was 13 I was really into D&D but I also felt really guilty about it because of my good Christian upbringing and had heard all of these stories about how “that’s how the devil gets in.” I mean, it makes sense. Of course the devil gets inside you when your druid rolls a miss with her +3 sickle. Anyway, of my own 13 year-old, misguided and guilt ridden volition, I literally chopped up like eight D&D dungeon master guides and players manuals and other ephemera with an axe in my mom’s backyard (with an axe!). I was trying to be symbolic in the best way a 13 year-old knows how to (and some adults too, unfortunately). My mom came out and asked me what I was doing and I said something dramatic like “I can’t do this anymore!” and I teared up and she was really confused because she didn’t give a shit if I liked fantasy stuff, devil or no. The whole experience has colored and stitched itself into everything I have ever done since. EYE E: to this day, I still feel guilty about the things I like, try to destroy them and harbor resent towards anything that gives me comfort. It’s dumb.
Thanks everyone, this has been a really great therapy session.
Biiiiggggg frisbeeeee.
At first glance I thought Abby was standing on a segway and I started reaching for my phone to text her and Mills: “CAN I COME RIDE THE SEGWAY!!!??” Good thing I looked at this photo for more than half a second.
Fuck I miss the ranch.
I’ve always thought of cathedral spires as beautiful monuments erected to tickle God’s butthole.
Emily and I went to see Bob’s Burger’s Live tonight. It was pretty great! They read about 15 minutes of the next Thanksgiving episode (it was very funny) and each cast member did a little set of their own stand-up material. I might love Eugene Mirman. It’s weird seeing Kristen Schaal in person on a stage after growing up in the same town with her and having mutual friends in high school and I’m pretty sure I went to a high school play she was in 15 years ago? There was a brief moment during the Q&A where I entertained the idea of queuing up in the line for the microphone to like, I’m not really sure what, say something like “omg I’m from Longmont too and we were friends with the same people in high school isn’t that weird?” God that would be awful. To be that person.
